Canada Revenue Agency and Porn - Part 3 - Being Made Whole
Now that I have your attention with a “clickbaity” title, lets talk about scammers and pornography. Recently, I preached a sermon on porn and sexual immorality at my local church, and this is part 3 of a three part blog that is more or less the sum total of what I said. I am posting it here because, unfortunately, pornography exists in counseling and as counselors, it is important that we wrap our heads around what is happening, and what is needed. Read Part 1 Here. Read Part 2 Here.
If you have read Part 1 and Part 2, at this point, you could accuse me of being quite pessimistic and hopeless. Truly, you are probably right. My own testimony includes the destructive effects of consuming porn and life has not spared me the painful consequences of sexually immoral sin. Including, but not limitied to broken families, divorce and estranged children. Yet, Jesus rescued me, so I can assure you there is hope.
Hope is found only in Jesus.
In Romans chapter 6, Paul follows verses 20 and 21 (from Part 1) with verses 22 and 23, “But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
If at this point the sinking feeling of what you will lose by believing this is overtaking you and you choose to ignore this call to see Jesus as your hope, this is what God calls unrepentant sin. If we remain in unrepentant sin, we may be revealing that we actually do not believe Jesus is our saviour. Repent and believe. Have hope in Jesus. Jesus is our savior. He can rescue us and make us whole.
Back to scammers again. As mentioned, scamming you out of your money is huge. However, there is an ever-growing niche called scam baiters. These are folks who make it their life’s mission to stop, disrupt, delay, hack and destroy the efforts of scammers. They are tech savvy people who pretend to be victims and by doing so, gain access to the internal workings of scammer call centers and their computers around the world in order to waste a scammer’s time. They delete files scammers have of your personal data and they even go on rescue missions to help victims who are in the middle of being scammed. Some even endeavour to raise money through their YouTube subscriptions fanbase to help make victims whole. Elderly people who have lost everything are suddenly gifted their lifesavings back to them and fully restored.
Jesus Wants to Make you Whole Again
Jesus does this but in an even better way. In the garden we, mankind, were vice-regents who were given dominion over the earth. God provided everything we needed. Yet, in what is considered the first ever scam, Satan, suggested that God was withholding from us and that if we disobeyed him, we could do better. We bought that scam, hook, line and sinker. We exchanged the truth for a lie and before you know it Satan made off with our most valuable human asset, our life and relationship with God. Sadly, we gave it to him. As a result, eternal separation from God became our inheritance. We gave our birthright away and there was absolutely nothing we could do to get it back. Nothing. We were as good as dead. In fact, we are dead. Yet God, because he is loving, merciful and steadfast, promised to made a way for us to be made whole. He did that through his perfect son, Jesus. Jesus fulfills everything we cannot. Through his perfect life, which we cannot live, and through his death that completely satisfies the penalty of sin, and through his resurrection that conquers death and makes the way to live eternally with God, those who believe in Jesus and the sufficiency of his work, are made whole. In Jesus, we are made whole. Jesus fulfills everything God requires perfectly (Matt 5:17) practically and spiritually. Fully.
On our own, we cannot stop sinning. Not just for porn, but for everything. We need Jesus and his Holy spirit to help us and that means we look to Jesus for the solution. Our solutions cannot depend on our strength, and they cannot be man-made solutions. Our solutions need to be Spirit-led and must result in increased worship toward God.
Repent and Believe
First, we need to repent and seek Jesus. Jesus is our only hope, Jesus is our only real solution. Jesus died for this, Jesus died for those caught in porn. Repentance is turning away from Sin and turning towards Jesus in worship. We need Him, and we need to walk in his Spirit. Repentance is not just saying, “I am sorry,” it’s a complete lifestyle change. Each change we make must point us to God.
In their book, Rescue Skills, Deepak Reju and Jonathan Holmes suggest that as helpers, we need to listen for 4 aspects of wrong belief in our lives that he calls the 4 As. I will present them here as areas of our lives we should consider when thinking about quitting porn. To each of these 4 A’s, I will present a Godly response.
4 A’s: Access, Anonymity, Appetite and Atheism
Access:
It is incredible just how accessible pornography is today and Jesus invites us to take a big step in eliminating areas of our life where we can be tempted.
In the second half of the text from Part 1 in Mathew 5, verses 29 to 30, Jesus actually offers a very practical step when he says, “If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.”
We need to evaluate every area of our lives that presents a stumbling block and endeavor to eliminate them. If your smartphone is a problem, get a flip phone. Make sure your router has blocking capabilities and settings that immediately prevent you from accessing images and content that is tempting. Make sure you do not have the passwords to access and change these. Are there relationships you need to change? A job maybe? Jesus says take an eye out. Well, quitting your job sounds less extreme don’t you think?
Anonymity
Porn flourishes in secrecy. We hide it and we delete searches. In the digital transaction of searching for porn, we are anonymous (though not really, because your isp can see what you are doing). We need to step out into the light… Jesus calls himself, the light of the world (John 8:12) and of that truth, John further says in 1 John 1:7–10, “But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.”
We need to walk in the light. This, in part, means we invite accountability with others. We need relationships where we can be honest about our struggle, where we can ask for prayer against temptation, or when temptation overcomes us, then we can confess when we slip up. I would like to suggest a few practical ways you can do this.
To live the Christian life, we must be in community. That happens on Sunday, for an hour or two, but what do we do with the rest of our lives? We need to invite one or two people of the same sex to speak gospel truth into our lives. We don’t want these relationships to be reactionary, but proactive. Developing close friendships is not just a good idea, it’s biblical. You can read about the relationship between Jonathan and David in 1 Samuel 18. Jesus also has close relationships with Peter, James and John. Having close relationships where we can share our struggles openly and submit to gospel-centred direction and reproof is vital to Christian living and spiritual growth. This is something that both men and women should do. To learn more about how to develop and functionin this type of close relationship, I invite you to get a hold of Jonathan Dodson’s book Gospel Centered Discipleship.
If you are a man, join a Support Group. The Biblical Living Center has launched The Redemption Collective locally in Montreal. If you are interested leading your own let us know. More broadly there is the Conquer Series Group. All across North America, men are recognizing their need to step out into the light specifically around pornography, and Conquer Series Groups help men walk together and encourage each other in the healing process. See this website to get more information: https://www.conquerseries.com/ (Women: If you know of similar peer-counseling groups, please email me, I will add them here.)
Subscribe to an accountability software for all your devices. As an affiliate, of course we recommend Covenant Eyes. All your devices need to be protected and the people who love you and care about your healing journey need to know what you use your devices for. Covenant Eyes monitors and reports internet and screen activity and sends reports to your designated accountability partners. They even have a parallel app called the Victory App that helps you share that activity with your partners. If you are really serious about quitting porn, you want to step out into the light in any way you can. If you want get your first 30 days of your Covenant Eyes subscription free, use promocode: BLCPROMO (website subscriptions only) Click here to get started: https://covenanteyes.sjv.io/a1D4Zq
Appetite
Blessed is the man
who walks not in the counsel of the wicked,
nor stands in the way of sinners,
nor sits in the seat of scoffers;
but his delight is in the law of the LORD,
and on his law he meditates day and night.
He is like a tree
planted by streams of water
that yields its fruit in its season,
and its leaf does not wither.
In all that he does, he prospers.
The wicked are not so,
but are like chaff that the wind drives away.
Who is counseling you? I don’t just mean who do you meet with on a weekly basis for spiritual care. I also mean, what media, books, culture and company are you consuming, which may include porn? Are you seeking Godly counsel for your life? Are you watching content that is edifying? How much crass behaviour and nudity are you exposed to on a daily basis? What are your triggers? You have heard it said, you are what you eat. Psalm 1 suggests that we can be counseled by wicked people and content that bears no fruit, or bears bad fruit. When we consume God’s word, we will not wither but bear good fruit. So… I am not saying these things cause you to sin, but we learn to escape pain with medication, when instead, we can invite God into our pain. Have you walked with a trusted person to process life and the areas that are most stressful and painful? Have you sought solid biblical counseling? Are there relationships that require boundaries? Is there unforgiveness in your life? Is there repentance that you need to do? What books you read? (do they include romance novels?) What movies are you watching? Perhaps brief nudity is not a challenge for you, but for many, it is. Even if it’s not, maybe it is part of small subtle deposits in your heart towards sin. Do you need to learn how to put your phone down because you consume internet, videos and social media to much? Social media is specifically designed to draw you back over and over again, more and more until minutes turn to hours which turn to days, which turn to years, lost. God wants to compete with what you consume. God believes he will win. Try increasing your consumption of Jesus through God’s word and in community and you will see how these other trappings with fall to the wayside as you consume godly things in your life.
Atheism
Your porn problem is a worship problem. We seek Porn because we love it and that love is in direct opposition to God.
“You shall have no other gods before me.” Exodus 20:3 ESV
Jesus says in Matthew 6:24, “No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.” Please do not think that this only applies to money. Anything that is in direct competition for undivided devotion to God is sin. In the painful parts of our lives, we are looking for rescue. The world presents porn as an option and a very insidious one at that. Porn is empty. Porn is objectification of others – it teaches us to objectify. Porn is voluntary slavery that leads to death.
Jesus says in Matthew 5:29 and 30, that unrepentant pursuit or worship of other gods leads to ultimae spiritual death. “For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.” Repent, and throw yourself at the mercy of Jesus who loves you, for he will forgive you and help you as you seek him.
Right now, maybe you are feeling convicted and you know something needs to be done. Don’t delay. If you are feeling judged right now and you are fighting repentance in your heart, I’d say you are like the woman caught in adultery (John 7:53-8:11). The religious authorities, placed her before Jesus and wanted Jesus to condemn her to death. Satan wants you to think Jesus has condemned you. Satan wants you to feel like it’s too late, you are too addicted, too far gone, you can’t come back, you are condemned. Our hearts tend to believe Satan for some reason, and that stops us from getting help. It’s like believing that the Canada Revenue Agency has actually dispatched the police to your house and so you pay the scammer money to stop it. We place our hope in the wrong solution because we are blind to the truth. In Christ, there is no condemnation, but you must be in Christ, repent and believe. Repent and turn to him, trust in him, and as you do, like the woman caught in adultery, you will hear him say, “I do not condemn you, go and sin no more.”
Jesus stood up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.” (John 8:10–11 ESV)
My encouragement to you is to get help, don’t do this alone. First, you need Jesus, because without him, you can’t beat porn. Jesus is the only one with the power to rescue you. Jesus is the only one who can make you whole. Jesus also gave us community to help and so seek others in church community to help you. On that note, wives, you do not have suffer alone because your husband is consuming porn. In our church we have godly women who have led the charge to gather and help fellow sufferers who have been betrayed by their husbands. Ministries like Pure Desire Ministries can help resource you to help other women.
There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. (Romans 8:1–2 ESV)
If you missed it, you can read Canada Revenue Agency and Porn - Part 1 Here. Part 2 Here.
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