Vexed and Sullen

Vexed and Sullen. This is often how we feel when we do not get what we want. This can happen even when what we want seems good. When something or someone gets in our way, that person or thing becomes the object of our frustration and anger. They are problem and the problem must be fixed. God says there is a problem with that thinking though. The problem is not external with others, the problem is internal with us.

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. (Ephesians 6:12 ESV)

James, the brother of Jesus wrote a letter and in it he agrees with Paul that our passions are at war within us (not actually others) and the effect of transferring that war from within our heart to wage war with others is no less than murder. Rather than taking the time to deal with our hearts, we instead lash out, we manipulate, we injure others to get what we want.

We see an example of this quite clearly in the story of King Ahab and Naboth the vineyard owner (1 Kings 21). King Ahab wanted Naboth's vineyard because it was near his house. After all, location, location, location, am I right? He so desired this vineyard that he even offered two great alternatives for Naboth. Either take another, better vineyard, or take a large sum of money. Sounds good right? Who hasn’t dreamt of being bumped from their economy airline seat in exchange for a voucher for two times the cost of the ticket? Or, better yet, a first class ticket, y’know, for your trouble… For Naboth, it wasn't about a better vineyard or the money, it was about the fact that the vineyard had been in his family for generations and he had no desire to leave. Naboth said no to King Ahab, and because King Ahab did not get what he wanted, rather than look elsewhere, he chose to be vexed and sullen.

And Ahab went into his house vexed and sullen because of what Naboth the Jezreelite had said to him, for he had said, “I will not give you the inheritance of my fathers.” And he lay down on his bed and turned away his face and would eat no food. (1 Kings 21:4 ESV)

He then arranged a plot with Jezebel to have Naboth killed to get what he desired. This is pride gone nuclear! I want something, I must have something, you are in my way to obtain that something, so you must die!! Sounds extreme doesn't it? If we are honest, we must admit that we do this all the time in our relationships. Perhaps (hopefully) we do not kill, but we injure those we are closest to, in order to force them to do what we want. We coerce, we manipulate, we persist. Often our persistence actually hurts people. What we want is the desired result. Mutual benefit, or heaven forbid, having to go without are not outcomes we will entertain. This is what causes arguments, and in extreme cases, this is even the foundation for domestic abuse and all sorts of terrible sins. James says, as Christians, to do this is like committing adultery against the Lord!

You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. (James 4:4 ESV)

If you are not an abusive person, do not let the mention of abusive motives excuse you. Even if our attempts to get what we want are low-grade manipulations, we are always potentially moving towards abuse. If you are an abuser, let this be your wake up call. You cannot make demands on others to satisfy your own needs and claim to be living as a Christian. Our emotions are important, we do not want to dismiss them. When we find ourselves in a place where we are vexed and sullen, this should be the emotional warning bell in our hearts that tells us something is wrong with what we want and how we are going about getting it, and that we need to seek God for the renewal of our minds instead of satisfying our displeasure with not obtaining that thing.

“When we find ourselves in a place where we are vexed and sullen, this should be the emotional warning bell in our hearts that tells us something is wrong with what we want and how we are going about getting it…”

What are we to do with our emotions? Emotions seem so complicated at times. We certainly should not ignore them. The Christian life is not a call to be stoic and emotionless.. Our savior Jesus expressed emotion, even when he knew that he was about to raise his friend Lazarus from the dead. In his humanness and his desire to enter into the mourning of his disciples, he wept with them.. Nor are our feelings everything. We cannot let our emotions rule us. James says, our response to our emotions and desires needs to be humility. Humbly submit your emotion and desires before the Lord. Invite him to change them, to tweak them.

Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. (James 4:7–9 ESV)

We are invited to draw near to God, confess our brokenness to God.

“God, I know that my desire for this this thing has overtaken me, help me, I need you! “

Maybe you even need to die to them. Let your desires be shaped by God and trust him to fulfill them according to His will, not yours. In fact, it is an invitation to let your desire for God to become far greater than your desire to obtain your passions. In one of the few moments of Spirit-led obedience in Ahab's life, he did just that. When it was prophesied that God would punish him for murdering Naboth, Ahab repented and turned to the Lord.

And when Ahab heard those words, he tore his clothes and put sackcloth on his flesh and fasted and lay in sackcloth and went about dejectedly. (1 Kings 21:27 ESV)

In His grace and mercy, God relented and delayed Ahab's punishment. It wasn't removed entirely, it would be carried out later on his sons. Sin has consequences. When you let your desires and emotions rule you and out of them you sin against God and others, there are consequences. Let this cautionary story from Scripture be a warning to all of us. Let's not get to the point where our passions hurt others and put us in wrong relationship with the Lord. Sin can have a longterm devastating affect on our lives. Also, because of generational sin, it can have a devastating affect on our children and children’s children. Let us repent and humble ourselves before the Lord, trusting that God will respond with exactly what you need, not necessarily what you desire. For as Jesus says and James agrees (James 4:10),

Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted. (Matthew 23:12 ESV)

By submitting to the Lord, in imitation of Jesus, for everything, we join our hearts with our gentle and lowly savior who invites us in and by his grace lifts us up. This has present grace-filled implications for our desires. The Lord will always provide what you need according to his will. If you have to, repeat it over and over. Write it down, make posters with it. The Lord will always provide what you need according to his will. That should bring us comfort because God is trustworthy. Better still make a t-shirt with Matthew 6:33 on it and wear it, always. These great and precious promises have incredible implications for our relationships. They have eternal implications for our lives and all those who put their trust in the Lord for everything...